I hadn’t worked on anything since that Halloween collab, so here’s a quick Applejack. This is pretty much how I feel right now, though not for the reasons everyone probably suspects.

Just been a rough week in general, on top of the generally rough past couple of months. Been hard to get a decent night’s rest now, for several reasons. Seems to be going around…

When I’m tired like this, it makes me introspective. You know, “why am I doing this again?” At least I can say with certainty that I draw because I love drawing. I love creating. I love art, and telling stories with my art.

And not just drawing, but cooking, acting, singing; creating makes me happy, especially when others enjoy it too. Nothing makes me happier than using my talent to make others happy. But when you have to use your talent just to survive, it sucks the joy out of it. There’s a difference between doing something you love for a living, and doing something you love to stay alive. I’m not sure where the line is, though I reckon it has to do with not worrying about where your next meal is coming from.

I’m always open for commissions, because I enjoy doing them. Not because of the money they bring me, but because they allow me to grow as an artist. And also because someone out there likes what I do enough to actually want to compensate me for my time and skill. That’s a really awesome feeling. But when I literally have to do them just to be able to buy groceries, or keep my lights on, or pay for medication, it saps all my motivation. I’m not sure what the solution is.

I see other artists going through rough patches, and I want to be able to say something encouraging, but frankly I’m having a hard time coming up with something that doesn’t sound like bull to myself. This isn’t depression speaking, just to clarify, just frustration. It stings a bit when you’ve been turned down by even retail and fast food. Though I suppose I could count that as a blessing, I’m too damn old to work behind a register. :P And it’s still a bit too quiet without Suzy around. At least I finally have reliable transportation again, so there’s that. (Can’t thank my family enough.) 

Anyway, I think I’ll end this prattle here. To the 3 or 4 people that actually read this far, thanks for listening. I’ll try to sort my shit out.