Feb 09 2018
So, life isn’t being kind at the moment.
Followers may be aware that I suffer from debilitating depression and anxiety which make life, at best, difficult and at worst, torturous. I recieve benefit payments from the UK government to afford to feed myself and keep a roof over my head, to do this I share my apartment and rent with a room mate so I can live cheaply. I get a little money from Patreon each month to help pay for art costs like a Photoshop subscription, and to buy sketch books and drawing tools.
I had a period of illness in mid-january which left me unable to attend appointments with the benefits people. They pressured me to the point I started having anxiety attacks which caused shortness of breath and the feeling my heart was being squeezed. Over the next few days I had extreme nausea, trembling, insomnia, suicidal thoughts and a fear of being alone, my friend stayed with me 24 hours over the weekend to ensure I was okay and didn’t start self-harmig. The benefits people told me that anxiety attacks were part of my anxiety, thus part of the reason I’m on benefits, so having had them didn’t excuse me from obligations to try to find paid work, attend interviews and such, and reminded me that failure to do so would result in my benefits being taken away. I got a doctor’s note saying I’m unfit for work due to the reasons above, hoping to get a breather to get my head together, but they told me it was irrelevant.
At this point I haven’t heard from them in a while, I don’t know if I’ll still be recieving benefit payments, the last one came through and I’ve been told they’ll send me a letter asking about my absences but none have arrived.
At the end of January my room mate told me he was moving out with just under a month’s notice. I couldn’t persuade him to stay so asked for his help to list the room online and get a new tenant to share the place with, and he agreed. He then refused to clean any of the apartment, packed up his stuff and left, leaving me having to pay rent by myself (I can’t), he also left a stained carpet and filthy walls I need to find money to replace and paint.
This week my close friend, the one who supported me in January, has been in and out of hospital due to having blood clots in her legs and lower abdomen, leaving her in a lot of pain and needing twice-daily injections of blood thinners. I took her to the hospital for an emergency appointment on Tuesday after she passed out from the pain last weekend, and this week I’ve spent time with her as her family don’t care, or aren’t prepared to look after her, and she might need an ambulance in a hurry if there’s any complications.
I’ve been spending time with her to make sure she’s alright, sitting up with her and drawing so she can watch, talking to her and making jokes so she can laugh and smile, sometimes she asks me to give her her injections because the pain makes her cry, and I comfort her if she does. It feels good to be there for a friend, but when I came home I was sad and lonely, my home feels like a horrible obligation and a problem I’m not able to fix myself.
Yesterday my room mate ordered carpet cleaners to come to my apartment to clean the carpet, but they looked at it and said the carpet in his old room is far too stained to clean, and they did the best job they could. They had me sign for the contract and then demanded payment as he hadn’t paid them. I ended up having to give my card details to two burly men in my own home because they were threatening me with legal action they were a legit business, and the charge was £36, but it was very upsetting. I’ve tried over and over to contact my room mate asking for repayment, and he’s ignored all my communications.
Today I’m home again, scanning in the drawings I made in hospital (well,some as others are gifts I don’t want spoiled), and the handyman who came by to check a recent repair has graciously given me a pot of paint to do the walls myself over the weekend, he’s a really nice guy.
I’ve listed the room online, but I have until the end of the month to find a new tenant for the room or I literally won’t be able to afford to stay in my home anymore, and with the stained carpet I might find that very difficult.
I hate to feel like a burden, this is really something I wanted to sort out myself, but I feel I may have to turn to you guys for help. Please, if there’s any way I can get anyone to help me out with donations it would mean the world to me. His half of the rent and bills comes to £419 GBP, I have no idea how much a new carpet would be, but the handyman says I could maybe get some off-cut carpet from a wholeseller for under £100.
If you can help at all, you can donate to my paypal here: https://www.paypal.me/dilarus
I’ll keep drawing when I can, and put sketches up here for you to enjoy, the comics won’t be updated until I can spend time at home as thats where my computer and all the files are. This evening I’ll be visiting my friend again, I’ve gotten a book in the post I want to read to her.-Dil
Sometimes life just takes a shit in your Kool-Aid. Dil has been a huge inspiration to not only myself but a large part of this fandom, and beyond. If you can spare a few dollars, pounds, euro, pesos, or whatever your relevant currency is, please do. And spread the word! Help out ya boy.
